Did I Stutter?

Oh yea.  Probably.  There is always a hint of surprise on my face when people say they don't notice my stutter.  I guess it's understandable as I've been perfecting my way around it for the past 11 years.  But every once in a while it sneaks up on me in t-t-t-the most annoying w-w-w-way.

My client was just speaking to me about how it can be hard for a kid to enter a new school and make new friends when there are some obvious and not so obvious differences about them.  She used herself as an example, stating that she had a lisp when she was growing up, and just like all of you not noticing my stutter, I had no idea she had a lisp.  When I listen closely I can catch a hint of it, but her kick ass latina accent really is the icing on her linguistic cake.  Woman knows some serious words and puts them together to make magic (aka sentences).

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Anyways, she was telling me one of her kids has a stutter, and this isn't as uncommon as people may think. Another close friend of mine has a child that has a stutter, as well.  If I remember correctly I had a stutter as a child, and then it went away only to reappear at 22 with a vengeance and a desire to destroy my emotional well-being by embarrassing me with a variety of words.  B, D, and P words followed by a longer vowel sound.  Even jiu jitsu is hard for me to say. Oh my gawds, JESSICA is hard to say.  

"M'am, may I get your first and last name?"
"Sure, Juh-Jessica Sunier."
"I'm sorry? Can you repeat that?"
"Bite me."

People may not notice it as much because over the last 11 years my adult brain found a way around it.  I simply choose different words that mean the same but are easier for me to say.  This took a lot of practice at first, but eventually it started to flow. 

​Stuttering primarily occurs when there is a lot of energy.  Excitement. Panic. Anxiety. It doesn't matter. If it's not a calm energy then words become more difficult.  Why?  From what I understand when that anxious energy starts my brain releases dopamine to calm me back down.  That dopamine collects in the frontal lobe where your speech centers are located, and we develop a blockage.  That blockage can usually develop into a headache. I know that my worst stutter instances have occurred with a headache as its companion.

Here is what not to tell someone who has a stutter:

1. "Just slow down your words."  No. You be patient.  Drawing attention to our stutter can make us more anxious, and the stuttering will just get worse.
2. Finishing our sentences.  This one is hit and miss.  Sometimes I'm just dying for someone to say the word.  Usually I give them a cue, OR I ask the class or person to tell me what I'm trying to say.  I used to be really embarrassed to do this, but that has passed.
3. Don't look at us like we're stupid.  We're not.  I can actually see the fully formed sentence plastered in front of my eyes. I know exactly what I want to say.  I'm trying to work around that blockage.
4. Read out loud.  I do think this helps me from time to time, BUT, if your child is stuttering don't get impatient.  Work on taking some deep breaths, or tell them ahead of time when they feel a word is hard to take three deep breaths, close their eyes, and relax.  Then they can try again.  Simply saying "slow down" puts us into anxious angry modes because it makes us feel shame, so have a system in place.

These are only some strategies that have helped me.  If any of these work with you or your kids then that is all I can ask for, honestly.  Lets be real, people can be really shitty toward one another.  Discovering ways to communicate more effectively helps our entire race in the long run.

​Cheers!