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Daily Roast

Thought Flights.

Permission to Quit

10/31/2018

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Photo by Danielle MacInnes on Unsplash
Over 4 years ago I left my first jiu jitsu gym.  Even though my reasons are solid and unshakeable, I struggled with the feeling of not being loyal. Despite the confusion I felt at the time, it is still one of the best decisions I have ever made. I'm discovering that other people have left their gyms for very similar reasons, and these other people also struggled with loyalty.  

The feeling of "I won't quit", "I can't fail", or "Something will change so I won't have to make a hard choice" is a common conversation that many of us have with ourselves.  So here is your permission to quit.  Permission to quit a relationship with a person, a job, or a gym that doesn't serve you anymore.  Not all quitting looks the same.  Some ties are severed quickly, while others require a strategic exit plan.  And sometimes it gets messy.  Either way, own that choice, close a chapter, and look forward to a new beginning.
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Scalable Strength

10/30/2018

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A major goal of mine, especially for women of all ages, is to get them away from that damn scale.  The only thing I want them to scale is their performance in their current activity.  I don't care if it's sports, music, or art.  In the gym we focus on strength.  On the mats we focus on technique.  Unless you are training for an event that asks you to be a specific weight, who gives a flying hoot about how much you weigh.  On top of that, no one under the age of 18 should be worried about trying to hit a weight class.  All you do is make a kid feel bad for growing.  When kids feel shame for something they can't control they develop habits that can be unhealthy.

Be strong. Be technical. Be great.
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Photo by Danielle Cerullo on Unsplash
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Wielding Your Power

10/28/2018

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To wield something means one can have power and influence over a group of people, a situation, or an object.  It is both a tool and a weapon depending upon how you choose to wield that power.  

Words are powerful tools....and weapons.  What you say, how you say it, and when you say it can help someone, or harm them.  Words of reassurance when unprovoked can help immensely.  People make choices every day that may make them feel they are letting someone down.  I see it most in mothers, the guilt, of requesting some peace and quiet.  A sincere, "I understand. We'll be here next time."  That may lift a weight off their chest.
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Photo by Joshua Ness on Unsplash
Choosing what to say and how to say it takes practice, so you can't hide behind the fear of saying the wrong thing.  You will mess up.  You aren't perfect.  That is why we practice, and hone this craft that many take for granted.  Communication has always been the gateway.  The key has always been listening.  But that's for another mini.
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Rumi

10/24/2018

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This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
Some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

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What you say.  What I hear.

10/23/2018

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You say: Are you sure you don't want a secure job with benefits?
I hear: I want the security of a job with benefits, and I wouldn't take that risk.

You say: When are you having children?
I hear: Goodbye freedom.

You say: When are you getting married?
I hear: Goodbye autonomy. 

You say: Once you have kids you'll change your mind and be pro-life (aka anti-choice).
I hear: As a woman talking to another woman, your choices do not matter once you have children.

You say: Maybe you shouldn't wear something so low cut/tight/short.
I hear: Your body doesn't belong to you.
When they asked questions about my choices, this triggered my most primal fear of not belonging."
~Amber Rae, Choose Wonder Over Worry
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Photo by W A T A R I on Unsplash
There is something very magical about this time in my life.  I am so comfortable in who I am, that outside questions hold no weight, and I now recognize when people project their fears onto me.  I simply hold a mirror to their projections and continue on with life.  
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    The Daily Roast is a thought, question, list, or any other mini that doesn't need an entire blog.  Thought Flights are here to get you pondering and wondering.

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